Glimpse

The way Christmas worked when I was growing up is that Mom would buy all of our gifts, wrap them and then a few days before Christmas we’d pack it all in the car and drive up to my grandparents’ house in Maryland. Looking back, I realize that I was a little behind on the whole looking around the house and around every corner type of curiosity that plagues most kids, but I certainly wasn’t above anxious curiosity entirely. No, I was the kind of child that liked to take the dangerous approach, the slight tearing of a corner of the giftwrap in the backseat during the car ride up to grandma’s. Sometimes I didn’t even need to tear the paper, I just had to lift a flap here or there and get a tiny glimpse of the package and I knew what it was. And I’ll tell you, I was actually quite sly about it all, the only problem is I have this uncanny ability to tell everyone I’m lying about something without actually telling them. They see it in my eyes and in my child like expressions and, well, that’s why I don’t play poker.

One year, my Mom caught me and threatened to give the gifts to my cousin. It hurt her so much because part of the excitement of giving a gift is knowing exactly what a person wants and then seeing their reaction when they finally get it. And I took that away from her. Of course, after I apologized and promised never to do it again, she forgave me and I enjoyed my pocket rocker and tiny tunes for a long time. After that year I gave up on tearing away corners and resorted to poking around the house like every other kid.

Though I’ve grown less anxious around Christmas, I think I’m seeing a lot of my younger self in my relationship with God. There are all of these little blessings and opportunities that He wants to give me, but the timing has to be right and He asks me to wait. And just like as a kid I knew I had to wait until Christmas day to actually have my presents, I know that I have to wait for the blessings that God wants to give me. But I still have that curiosity and that strong desire to know what it is that God wants to give me. And so I ask Him to give me a glimpse. I tell Him that I know He may not be ready to give it to me right now, but if He could just give me a sign and show me what He has in store for me, well that’d make everything a whole lot easier. But if He tells me ahead of time, then I won’t have the appropriate reaction when I actually receive His gifts. And the reaction, I’ve learned, is the blessing within a blessing. Whether its a reaction of worship, praise, faithfulness, love, adoration, service, action or surprise the point of it all is God’s love and it hurts Him if we don’t react the right way.

A couple of years after I was caught peeking my mom played me perfectly. All year I had been asking for a computer but my mom kept telling me that she didn’t have enough money. On the trip up to Maryland, I didn’t notice any boxes that could possibly have a computer in it, unless it was one of those advanced talking spelling computers. I hate to admit it, but I was pretty bummed about not getting a computer; So bummed, in fact, that when I woke up the next morning and saw large packages sitting under the tree I honestly thought I had gotten a stereo. And then, when I unwrapped one of the boxes, there stood a brand spankin new Tandy computer. I’ve never asked my mom how she felt when she saw me open that present, but I imagine it made her about as excited as I was … maybe even more. So now, whenever I go to God asking Him to give me a glimpse – just a little peek, I try to think about how getting that peek might ruin my reaction. I put my trust in Him and tell Him, “No, scratch that. Let’s do this on your schedule. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”