Okay, I know you've all been dying for an explanation of the non-sense that precedes this post and so I'm gonna take a break from my vacation to try to make some sense out of it. Trust me, though when I say that the explanation will a) not at all redeem whatever humor I thought there was and b) be quite anti-climactic.

According to Amazon.com, M.C. Hammer - one of the greatest rappers of our time - released the album Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em circa February of 1990. As you may or may not be well aware of, this was quite a popular album spawning such classic forgttable hits as "Yo!! Sweetness", "Have You Seen Her", "Pray" and the ubiquitous "U Can't Touch This". You might remember the album cover containing the following laid-back, totally cool pose from Mr. Hammer:



While certainly less-than-noteworthy at the time, that infamous picture would rear its ugly head years later when my boy Travis was viewing some pre-ceremony from a wedding we recently attended. I don't know if I have the correct copyrights and or permissions to share the picture of the groom with you, but consider a much lighter skinned - perhaps white even - male, with only slightly smaller framed glasses posing almost exactly like Mr. Hammer, right down to the angle of the lean.

So Travis and I are actually friends of the bride and so in discussing this picture with her via email the question came up as to how the comparison stuck out so glaringly to Travis. In fact, I think her words were "How did he know that, did he have that CD laying around or something?". In Travis' defense, if the situation merits defending, if I had seen the picture I might have made the comparison myself, simply because that album was so iconic. But I digress.

Having lived with Travis, I thought it might be fun to make up a story about how he listened to that CD non-stop and then I got this vision in my head of Travis walking around his room saying "you can't touch this", but instead of him actually saying it he would point to something every time Hammer repeated "U can't touch this". I think it's funny because I know Travis and its something he might almost do if he thought of it and it'd be hilarious if he did.

That's it. That long explanation for a quote that probably just needed some sort of setup or perhaps didn't need to be quoted at all. I didn't want to quote myself so I left it anonymous and I didn't really know how to set it up and I just figured all the required context was there. Oh, and the title. The title was just a line from "Pray". I suppose it only added to the confusion but I didn't want to be so obvious as to title the post "U Can't Touch This".

Through it all, I am glad to say that lessons were learned: Never again shall I share such silly fabrications; don't assume your audience knows too much about your plot or your characters; and never, ever under any circumstances mock the greatness that is 2 legit 2 quit.

I think that M.C. Hammer CD [Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em] is the only CD he has and he listens to it on repeat all the time. The first time I heard it coming from his room, I wasn't sure what it was. I thought it was just him walking around his room pointing out all of the things I wasn't allowed to touch.

Ahh, the memories.

As I walked out of church this morning there was a slight breeze gently whisking away the remnants of an early morning shower, leaving only a few thick, rolling white clouds to pepper the deep blue sky. Though the heat of the day and the evening thunderstorm let us know that summer has nearly arrived, it's mornings like these that allow us to hold on to spring just a little bit longer. I love how weather can affect your mood, good or bad, and how it can inspire you to grab a cup of coffee, or in my case iced tea, a newspaper and a chair on the porch. I don't remember the last time I sat down and read the newspaper, but today my morning passed into the afternoon as I read about a community coming together to support its hockey team; friends, family, and loved ones lost braving the heat and being remembered and celebrated on their big day; and some of our region's favorite books that I've never read.

I love days like this. I need more days like this. Allow me to speak for all of us when I say we all do. Something about the day just felt refreshing; it felt breezy. It's impossible for us to control or predict the weather, but if you ever find yourself in the midst of a breezy Sunday morning, let it stop you in your tracks, let it grab you, let it sit you down and refresh your soul. Then you'll know what I mean when I say my day was breezy like Sunday morning.

Apparently Wendy's is dropping the "Biggie" size moniker, reportedly because it is too confusing to customers used to the typical small, medium, and large options at other chains. Uhh no, try again. Consumers are accustomed to propietary sizing of your meal options, it's the slight of hand act you're playing with the rising prices and shrinking sizes that's keeping us guessing. Seriously, "Biggie" and "Super" sizing has been around for more than a decade, if confusion were the problem wouldn't you have done something sooner?

Editor's Note: I've always wanted to open this area up to let others share their non-sense - and while I don't have a great, collaborative system for that purpose, occasionally someone (usually Thunder) will send along a good ole' Word doc for me to post. With the world's favorite sport as his muse, Thunder offers up this inspired peek into the World Cup.

It has been a long while since I have contributed any new material to thedustin.com, though not much longer than thedustin himself. With the world's greatest sporting event only a few days away I figured it was time for me to make my comeback. I am not sure many of the readers have wasted as much time reading previews and watching specials as I have, and while this makes me no expert, I hope to at least consolidate all of the information out there for you.

I will start this preview where any red-blooded American should, Claudio Reyna’s hamstring? Pure and simple Claudio is the most important player on the American squad. While this may sound odd to the casual observer, there are only a handful of squads in the entire World Cup on which Reyna would not crack the starting lineup. He plays that rare position of holding midfielder, which means he possesses the ability to control the ball in the center of the field and allow for his team to transition from defense to offense with ease. Much has been made about the difficult group the U.S. was placed in and the fact that they were jobbed by FIFA.

For the World Cup draw FIFA ranks the top eight teams in the draw ensuring that they will not face each other in group play. FIFA gave Mexico the ranking rather than the U.S. even though the U.S. defeated Mexico to win the CONCACAF region. I have my theories on why this occurred and if you give me a call sometime I will tell you, or just happen to be around me after a few beers and I might tell you anyway. The bottom line is we are still not seen as a mainstay in the world soccer community, and the only way to earn the world’s respect is to beat them.

Anyway, getting out of group play will be much more difficult this time around; however, the U.S is fielding its strongest squad ever at a World Cup, so this should be a good barometer of where we stand. Now that I have rambled on, lets get to the predictions.

Group A
Costa Rica
Ecuador
Germany
Poland

Predictions: Germany and Costa Rica will advance. Costa Rica fields a strong side as they are the third best team in CONCACAF behind the U.S. and Mexico. Germany will advance, but this is not your father's German team. (not that many of our fathers watched the World Cup in the 70's) They are not as methodical and defensive minded as past German teams. They posses a creative flare led by Michael Ballack, yet there backline will prove their undoing in the later rounds.

Group B
England
Paraguay
Sweeden
Trinidad & Tobago

Predictions: England and Parguay will advance. England are led by...well, I am not quite sure. Probably the second most talented squad in the world behind Brazil, the English have all of the pieces to lift the Cup. However, they have who many consider to be the most boring manager in the entire competition. I could spend three pages on tactics and what England needs to succeed, but I will refrain from doing that here. I think their most important player is Steven Gerrard, who is the heart and soul of a Liverpool squad that never quits. The only problem is he is almost an exact replica of his midfield-mate Frank Lampard. If I were Sven, and of course I am not because I was born in Wilson, NC not Stockholm, Sweeden, I would slot Micahel Carrick in behind the midfield and play Michael Owen alone up top. Of course this all changes if Rooney returns to fitness; however, I think even if he can play, he will play nothing more than a substitute role. We should all feel sorry for the English that they have the luxury to bring the most explosive player in the world off the bench. Paraguay, while not as heralded as their South American neighbors, Brazil and Argentina, possess the skill and experience to make some noise. Paraguay will test the English in the opening game. Finally, imagine a 6'7" 170 lbs man doing the robot ... poorly! That my friends, is what England will unleash on the world, Peter Crouch.

Group C
Argentina
Ivory Coast
Netherlands
Serbia & Montenegro

Predictions: Aregentina and Ivory Coast will advance. The "Group of Death" looks simply terrible. I think the Argentineans have the most skill overall and this will see them through. The Netherlands has the talent, but I think they are just too dysfunctional to make it through, which leaves the Ivory Coast and Serbia & Montenegro. The Ivory Coast will impress at the World Cup, they have a world class striker in Didier Drogba and their backline will be one of the best in the tournament.

Group D
Angola
Iran
Mexico
Portugal

Predictions: Mexico and Portugal advance. I am not sure I care enough to write anything here ... Iran could be a surprise though. Portugal is old and Mexico will ... I just don’t care.

Group E
Czech Republic
Ghanna
Italy
The United States of America

Predictions: Normally when I predict something or make a grand pronouncement, the opposite happens so I feel terrible doing this, but ... The United States of America and Italy will advance. This is the best American soccer team ever assembled and I think they have the right balance of experience, chemistry, and pure old American arrogance. We will not challenge the world powers until we think we are a world power and I think this 23 member squad thinks/knows they are. As I said earlier, Reyna is one of the best players in the world, Landon Donovan has yet to show the world what he is capable of, DeMarcus Beasley is a burner, Oguchi Oneywu looks like he could start for the Carolina Panthers, Eddie Pope is always solid, (and his speed has increased from a 42¹) Brian McBride is clinical, Eddie Johnson is ready to explode, Clint Dempsey has a rap career on the side, John O'Brien looks healthy, Kasey Keller is top flight, and Bruce Arena will have them ready.

Funny U.S.A. Side Note: A few of the U.S. players were on the ESPN show Cold Pizza last week, including Landon Donovan and Pablo Mastroeni, and the host was asking them questions about other sports. When it got to Pablo, the host asked him who the number one pick in the NFL draft was and he had no clue. Well, Landon starts laughing at Pablo and Pablo seems real confused and finally Landon says, "It was Mario Williams, he went to N.C. State!" Of course this is funny because Pablo went to State.

[Editor's Note: Gratuitous UNC reference removed²]


Group F
Australia
Brazil
Croatia
Japan

Prediction: Brazil and Australia advance. Brazil is the most talented team in the world and they have the world's best player in Ronaldinho. Croatia made a surprise run to finish third in the '98 world cup, but they are an aging side. Japan appears to be a team in turmoil right now and they lack the experience outside of Asia. The Socceroos are coached by Guus Hiddink who is considered a magician, he led the Netherlands and South Korea to the semi-finals in 1998 and 2002 respectively, and their squad is made up of players that ply their trade in the top leagues of the world.

Group G
France
South Korea
Switzerland
Togo

Prediction: France and Switzerland advance. This is the last chance for the golden generation of French soccer, Zidane, Thurman, Makelele, Trezequet, which delivered the Cup on their home soil in 1998. Switzerland brings a young squad to the tournament and they will make some noise. South Korea possesses some individual talent but do not have the experience necessary to make it out of the group stages. Togo, thank you for coming.

Group H
Saudi Arabia
Spain
Tunisia
Ukraine

Prediction: Spain and Tunisia. I think this may be the year that Spain is able to put it all together. They finally have players with experience outside of Spain, they have one of the best keepers in the world in Casillas, and they have players that can put the ball in the net. Tunisia is the only African nation to return from the 2002 Cup and they are coming off a win in the 2004 African Nations Cup.

Final Predictions

Round of Sixteen
Germany over Paraguay
Argentina over Portugal
England over Costa Rica
Mexico over Ivory Coast
U.S.A over Australia
France over Tunisia (Don’t think this won't be big, Tunisia is a former colony and there
are thousands of Tunisians in France)
Brazil over Italy
Spain over Switzerland

Quarterfinals
Germany over Argentina
U.S.A over France
England over Mexico
Spain over Brazil

Semifinals
U.S.A over Germany – revenge from 2002
England over Spain

Finals
Think of this like the time you were about 15 or so, and you end up playing basketball with your dad in the backyard. He is a step slower, wise as ever, and you know you can beat him you just haven't done it yet. Well, that is my prediction; the U.S.A will take the early lead in shocking fashion as Landon will play a beautiful ball into space for McBride. Kasey will be called upon often and will step up as he always has. Finally, Rooney will equalize late and the English will know they have it won; it's only a matter of time. Unfortunately for England they forget to mark Eddie Pope on a set piece late, he buries it in the back of the net. The world goes quiet ...

Do I think it will end this way, no, in fact I think the U.S.A will struggle to make it out of group play, and even if they do will most likely face Brazil in the Round of 16. Ten World Cups have been played in Europe and nine of those have been won by European teams. I think this year will be no different. England will hoist the Cup.

However, if there was ever a time for dreams the World Cup is it, and folks ... I’m not ready to wake up. USA! USA! USA!

¹ Back in FIFA 2001 by EA Sports, the Canadian Euro-wannabes did a great disservice to the American team by giving one of the fastest players in the defensive backfield a speed rating of 42 on a scale of 100. Given that a handful of Americans have found themselves walking through the revolving door of the world speed records, I don't think the developers used the appropriate trait to reflect the Americans' relative inadequacy on the world soccer stage.

² For those interested, I've included the gratuitous UNC reference here: "More North Carolina connections, Eddie Pope and Greg Berhalter are both Carolina Alums, so you can be rooting on the Red, White, and Blue, as well as our beloved Tarheel State."

You know you're a dork when Amazon sends you an email with the subject, "Amazon.com recommends C: The Complete Reference" because only a dork would have purchased or looked at books on Amazon that would lead to such a recommendation.

Someone at work put smiley faces on and around various areas of my desk and chair while I was out of the office last week. Today I found out that someone suggested that the "appearance committee" might not like that. Do me a favor. If a package you're expecting doesn't arrive on time, call the 1-800 number and ask if having an appearance committee is spreading our workforce too thin.

For the first time ever, paying more than $1 for sweetened, caffeinated water paid off when it came with a cheeseburger & fries for only an additional $2.99.

One can never have too many Nalgene bottles - I just acquired my 4th. I was a late adopter but I'm making up for it now, big time! Anybody know what the "in" color's gonna be for Fall this year, I want to make sure I have the trendiest drinkware.

"Chasing Cars", "Promiscuous (Radio Edit)", "Home", "Almost Honest", "WP" are wearing the digital turntables inside my computer out.

World Cup soccer starts tomorrow. The US team are favorites to not make it past group play. Here's to hoping we don't live up to the hype.

I'll admit I'm not the biggest hockey fan, but I've enjoyed watching the Canes just like I did back in '02. Nice run fellas, bring it home.

I miss you, Blogosphere.