I've laughed at the jokes and jabs too. I've read the news stories and thought "how weird". I've watched the changing face change beyond the point of recognition. But none of that can temper the uneasy feeling of watching the fall of the person you grew up idolizing. Yes, I find it comical to tell people that I am a fan of Michael Jackson. Comical because I know that sometimes people need to feel comfortable laughing at me, not because I'm joking.

Sometimes you can't explain why you're drawn to certain people. But as long as I can remember Michael Jackson has been the man in my eyes. I'm not the biggest fan. I don't even own a copy of Off the Wall. But I've eagerly anticipated every new album, every new project, every new televised performance, with each announced delay only fanning the flames of my anticipation.

But the days of pop idolatry are over for me. Michael Jackson's star has finally fallen. For some - well, let's be honest, for most - of the world MJ's star died out long ago. But for me, there was still hope. There was still hope that he could rediscover the magic, the pure genious that was Thriller, the grand production that was Bad, even the subdued greatness that was Dangerous, HIStory, and yes, even Invincible. There was hope that Number Ones would later have "Vol. 1" attached to its name. That hope is gone. And everyone thinks its a big joke.

But it's ok. It's ok because I'm 23 and I understand that these things happen. I understand that these allegations may not be true, or even more horrifyingly, that they are true. I understand that even pop stars are human, or in some cases, are humans that do inhuman things. I understand that all stars fall.

I'm thankful for Michael's music, his performances, the magic that he brought to the world of entertainment. I'm thankful for the dreams that he inspired. And no matter what is true about him, no one can ever take that away from me. He may turn out to be nothing like I imagined - maybe worse than I could ever imagine. But that can never touch those 23 years of my life, and in that I will never find shame.