If you're anything like me, you don't like the taste of cardboard. But looking back carefully on the 20th century, I think we'd all have to agree that dieting and the food made especially for specific diets were among the greatest innovations of that time.

Everyone knows that agriculture is one of the most important aspects of civilization. Land cultivation transformed man from the wandering ways of the hunter-gatherer into the man and his land, pouring his blood, sweat, and tears into the soil and springing up eternal life in the form of fresh tomatoes, corn and ... umm ... tobacco. And it just so happened, by the graces of God, that America, our great nation, possessed some of the most fertile land in the world. She would take our seeds and turn them into amber waves of grain and the such, feeding a young nation of hungry rebels.

Much has changed since those early days of life in the Americas. Now, major corporations control the food markets across this "free" market economy, and with their ownership they brought along their big money research and intense marketing. They created new concoctions like the Oreo cookie, the pressurized can of cheese, the Big Mac, the Big Gulp, and let us not forget, the deep-fried Twinkie.

The brilliant part about all of this, and my point (finally!) is that they have done all of this while maintaining a level of foresight that should be applauded.

Huh?

Well, while Micky D's and Nabisco have been stuffing saturated fat down our throats for the past five decades, they've also been working on "low-fat" and "sugar-free" versions of their revolutionary culinary creations. They knew we would get fat, just like the tobacco companies knew nicotine was addictive, but they didn't stop. How could anyone look at a vat of french fry grease and think "no way this is bad for you"? It's like breathing in a puff of smoke and thinking, "this is is sooo good for my lungs". (Come on, People, carbon monoxide is bad for you and it's clear!)

So as Americans have gotten fatter, fat and skinny scientists alike have been devising ways to make us all thinner. Medical associations have set standards that would make obesity the leading epidemic in most third-world countries. Grocery stores are lined with boxes touting new and improved, more fat-free, and healthier foods. And all of this, in combination, has created a new market of diet foods, with dieting consumers eager to jump on their scales with their chocolate-free chocolate chip cookies.

But the genius of it all doesn't stop there. When was the last time you sat down and ate a box of "light" ice cream and thought to yourself "That was better than the real thing. Man, Ben & Jerry's sucks compared to that". If you think you have then you're kidding yourself. No diet food can hold a candle to the real thing. So you spend the first twenty years (nine if you're a girl) of your life getting fat, then you starve yourself with tiny portions of food that tastes like wood. Then your girlfriend (or boyfriend) dumps you, it's the end of the world, and quite frankly, the void in your heart filled by that dozen of doughnuts outweighs the 12 lbs you gained by eating it (but not literally, of course). Eating cardboard just doesn't ease the pain like a hot glazed pretzel, now does it?

I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be like this. It's like when Chris Rock talks aobut how we can go to the moon but Cadillac can't make a car so that the bumper won't fall off. All of the technology, all of the research that goes into making a Kit-Kat (believe me, it's a lot. I've seen that episode of Unwrapped) and we can't make a good tasting slice of pizza that's good for you too? Oh they can, but they won't. Because if they did, their little game would be over. You'd be happy and skinny. You'd eventually get tired of their product and move on to something else.

But, I'm just like the rest of you. I like food, but I also don't like luggin around the extra weight on my evening jog. I've never considered dieting, but lately I have been contemplating eating healthier (there's not a difference but the latter sounds better). I just hope that by the time I get around to 'eating healthier', the food tastes a little better.

Tonight: The 'Never-Ending Pasta Bowl' at The Olive Garden.
Tomorrow: The Atkins diet